Felix

I had a bunch of really witty and humourous blog posts half-written in my head, I had a great day and then I came home to the sound of beeping machine and a flashing '4'. Any time there are messages, my heart skips a beat - when they're are four messages, I begin to go in panic mode.

Two of the four were from my mom, one was a wrong number and I can't recall the fourth at the moment. My mom kept her voice steady, but I knew something was wrong. She only asked that I call her when I got in and that she was surprised I was still out.

Immediately, I phoned and asked what was wrong. Her cousin, my second cousin, but more like an older cousin/uncle to me, Felix, was in a plane crash. The words came barreling out: "is he...is he" and the tears started "dead?". "Yes", was the simple reply, as mom then explained that he took his hang-glider out last weekend and when he didn't show up for work, his brother was called and they got into his apartment to discover his hang-gliding equipment was gone. A rescue team went out to search and after a couple days, they found Felix. They believe he died instantly.

As a little girl and as a teenager, I spent a lot of time living with Grossmami and Grossvati in Bad Ragaz. My Grossmami came from a big family, lots of older brothers, one of whom was Onkel Felix. Onkel Felix had a few kids - Elizabeth, Linus, Felix and I think I'm missing one? Felix was always my favourite, probably because he came over lots to visit, spoke to me with what English he knew, brought biberfladen and always promised he'd take me on a hang-gliding trip. After summers went by and a trip never materialized, I remember being a little resentful ... but truth be told, I'm a chicken and would've been too scared to go hang-gliding.

Felix never married, but would've made a great husband and father. He loved the kids in his life and was always so compassionate to others. He was such a blessing to my Grossmami, when after Tante Anita and Grossvati passed away and slowly each of her brothers died, her nephew Felix would faithfully visit his Tante Ludwina. Living so far away, it was always such a relief to my mom, her sister Claudia and myself that Grossmami/Mami had people looking out for her.

Now Felix is gone too. My poor Grossmami! She has already buried her youngest, her husband and all her brothers. Now it's just her and Tante Agnes left from their generation. I cannot imagine what life must be like to remain on this earth as you bury your loved ones. I especially cannot fathom how those who have no hope, cope.

It is not up to man to judge a man's heart, only the Lord knows. We know that Felix wasn't active in a church and did not claim to be a Christian, however we do know that only God can judge the heart of a man. As I was comforted by my landlord tonight, we never know. We mustn't live in a land of dreams and wishes, but we must also realize that God is in control of each and every situation.

Ruhe in Frieden, Felix.