Saturday, November 15, 2008


I know that I have a lot of friends who are still single (although the number seems to dwindle faster and faster) but I can't help but struggle with this deep-in-my-soul desire.

According to Stats Canada the average age of marriage for women is about 31. When I was a little girl and a teenager and going to college I couldn't have fathomed not being married by 25. Truthfully my goal was to be married by 23, starting a family by 25.

It's not that I feel incomplete (like I used to) or that I'm missing out, I just desire so deeply to give of myself completely to someone. For instance, cooking and cleaning loses it's appeal when it's just for me. I will forego meals so that I can afford something more expensive, to have friends over. I just rather do things for others, I feel ridiculous cooking a meal for myself, or scrubbing the toilet every couple days, or even vacuuming. If I know it's for someone else's benefit, I'm happy to do it. (despite all my complaining in high school about having to do the dishes...)

Today a large group of friends are at a wedding for a couple from their church, who are about 21. I'm excited for them, they're a great couple and they deserve this, really I do believe that.

Maybe I'm weird (okay, don't answer that), but every time I meet a guy I check for a wedding band and then daydream about what it would be like to be with him. Seriously, it's to the point of obsession. I don't mean to do it, but just today I met someone while working at the church property and before I could stop myself I was thinking "hmm, if he's a twin, would that mean he would have twins or would it skip a generation? I'd love to have twins!" GAH! Pretty sure most guys won't want to talk to me after reading this post ... Men:  I'm sorry, I don't do it on purpose, promise.

That may seem funny, but it bothers me. Because as soon as I realize a guy is single, my body language changes, my attitude towards the person, my questions are geared differently. I'd rather be blind and treat people equally. Pretend they're all married, dangit.

So that's me today. sigh.


  1. You sound like a pretty normal female; I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've known a few single women that desperately wanted a relationship.
    Besides, I've found many times being totally normal and no thoughts of interest in some guy I've talked to seemed to make him think he'd have a chance or even thought I was interested.
    It's a strange world.

  2. Hey hun don't feel parently didn't get married until they were in their late 30s some people don't get married at all. And your not really obsessed your just're truely one of those people who is better as a pair or will be when it happens and I know it will for you. :D Also it's been a stupid long time and I'm sorry about that. I only just got internet. :p

  3. I basically imagined being married to every guy I was remotely friends with up til University... or up til Josh (probably)

    It's a girl thing

  4. It's not just a girl thing. Many guys do it to...especially guys who grew up in the church. The church culture is one of early marriages and 'having' to be married to be whole and happy. I have done much the same as you have for much of my life, obsessing over relationships (or lack thereof). It is hard to be happy being single, as acknowledged by the apostle Paul. That's not what makes you weird :)

  5. It ain't just you, as Pants said.
    Churches are built by twos, not ones.. as the unwritten rule goes.

    Don't discount the idea of being an old-maid by the age of 30 as old-fashioned, it still happens.

    All those `well meaning` people.. just give heft to the wrecking ball.

    However, you've got your own part to play in this : if you don't like how you act, change, become.. then stop.
    Not that easy, but acknowledging this is something that bugs you is the turnstile to changing course and avoiding future pratfalls.