DISCLAIMER: the below is not intended for 'churchy' people. I'm going to write about sex and the church and marriage and young people. You've been warned.
My heart breaks for broken hearts. One thing about facebook is I'm inundated with 'relationship status' changes. While it's sad when people who are in a dating relationship break up, what I'm really talking about is marriage break-ups. I've seen already too many friends and acquaintances get married, have children, and break up. I'm 24, I don't want to see this. I don't want to see this now, and I don't want to see it later.
I know of people who are getting married, who probably shouldn't. I could be wrong, but part of me just screams out "if it's meant to be, it can wait". You're in love? Wonderful, you don't have to get married immediately. I think my mom is right, many young (Christian) people get married today because of the desire to have sex, what an unfortunate situation. Have we made it so taboo that these kids can't even talk about their struggles and get the support they need, so that they instead get married before their ready? Just so they can do it?
I might be making some of you uncomfortable, deal with it. I'm human too, I understand what it means to want to give yourself completely to someone-but for goodness sake, don't rush into things.
It breaks my heart to get another e-mail from a friend saying 'it just didn't work out' or, 'we were too young, but...' or the kicker 'we love the kid(s), but we just can't make it work'. YOU HAVE KIDS...you're young, these things are hard-don't give up. Even if you don't have kids, don't give up. My mom once shared with me a quote from Ruth Graham, "Divorce, never; Murder, maybe". While that's funny and she obviously would've never killed her husband (or endorse it), I dwell on the first two words. Divorce, never.
Those of you that are married are probably thinking "if only Niki knew, she's young and single, has never been married and doesn't understand the trials of marriage". You're right, I don't. Which is why I'm second guessing posting this...
I guess all I want to communicate is, love is a choice and not the fuzzy feeling that I've always thought it was. Sometimes I wonder if I've ever even experienced love as a romantic love between two people. Sure I've said I have, but there's a reason I'm still single-I don't think I have it in me, yet.
God, please teach me what it means to love. Help me understand your love for me, and be content in that. In time, I'd like to learn what it means to give myself completely to someone-but I know I'm not ready.
Please restore these broken hearts that surround me. Teach partners what it means to love each other, demonstrate your love for them. Help them to fight for it.
I'm so sad right now.