Wednesday, August 22, 2007

explicit content

I would like to know what the HELL managers do in an office. Would someone please tell me???


Today I have:

-provided training to our peer mentors in the absence of the scheduled trainer
-once the scheduled trainer arrived and less than graciously relieved me of my duties, I played gopher all day as I retrieved documents, set up the training room and tried (albeit, unsuccessfully) to work out an IT problem
-continued to schedule my boss' appointments (I kinda like that part)
-worked on a webpage that is years of education beyond my capacity
-listened as someone else got credit for the work I did


oh, and I haven't taken a lunch break and I'm here until 8:30 tonight...nearly 12 hours and hardly a break, but a lot of running around.

Now I really need to take the time to consider the things that have gone well today:

-the trainer was in a car accident (and no, that's NOT the good part), and was not hurt
-my boss has given me the responsibility of scheduling her appointments and providing her with the assistance she (really) needs
-the web design disaster has taught me that I should NEVER take a job if it asks for even the remotest amount of web knowledge
-one of our counsellors gave me the credit for doing the work for the training program, after she was wrongly thanked (don't get me wrong-I appreciated having her's just I did the work).

Boy, I sound bitter. I'm just angry. And stressed. I don't want to work anymore...I've taken so little time off work this summer that I don't even feel like I had one, except for the long weekend at the cottage. I'm working until next Tuesday, taking three days, then we have a long weekend and I'm back at:

1) school, full-time
2) college job, 15-24 hours a week
3) Sobeys, 10-15 hours a week

How do people do it? I really want to give never before. I regret asking for more hours at the college, because if they just keep paying me $8.65 then it won't be worth it once I'm up to $9 @ Sobeys.

Although...there is REALLY good news in all this...I did get hired as a computerized notetaker which makes more than $22/hour!!! The only reason I've hesitated telling anyone, is that I'm not actually guaranteed any hours yet-and we don't know if I'll ever get them. Depending on my timetable, student's needs, and other factors, I may not actually get any hours-but at least I should be thankful I was a 'successful candidate'.

Oh and I have planning to do for the I AM COMING campaign and the MCF for the fall...I'm contemplating just taking a break from it all...Maybe not such a bad idea.


I want to scream
But I keep it all inside
Afraid that someone might see
See that I need help
I want to
No I need to scream
But instead I sit here
Tears rolling down
Smile as they walk by
Will anyone see
No they're too consumed
Consumed with their own lives
I need to scream
To let it all out
To let go of all that consumes me
Time restraints
Promises I can't keep
The burden is weighing down
All that is left is nothing
No longer consumed
Tears rolling down

N.D. Aug 22/07


  1. Hi Bubble,
    Take it easy now, the day is over and who knows what tomorrow will bring right? Take it "one day at a time". There sure must be a lot of people that really need you! I've found that a)managers really don't do a lot! (some do, but for the most part - I haven't seen very many who really get their hands dirty. They seem to do a lot of fussin' around about HOW MUCH they HAVE TO DO... but not really a lot of time in actually DOING IT! b)that the more responsibility a person TAKES ON... the more they are under-appreciated... it becomes an expectation on the part of others rather than gratitude for the help/time/effort/whatever...
    c) always "hold something back" ie - don't always be the first in line, don't be too quick to offer help/time/effort/whatever... let people ask! Let them know that you also have EXPECTATIONS OF THEM!!!
    LIfe is all about "balance" Bubble, stop taking so much on, it's OK to say NO! Nobody is looking out for you, they expect you to stand up for yourself. That's one of life's harder lessons... understanding that not everybody is caring & compassionate. A lot of people these days haven't got the time or effort or WILLINGNESS to be "stand-up" kind of guys. So as I've said before - surround yourself with good people and treat the rest as fellow travellers... just don't expect too much of them!

  2. BIIIIIIIIIIG HUG!!!! Now, deep breath, just let it go, give it all to God. Life can sometimes be a drag, if you find it to be almost always that way, you may want to see a doc about it. Speaking off, just send me the address for your school, I need it for a form I'm sending to my employee benefits department. Thanks!
    Also, once school is done, it should be less hectic. What company is the $22.-/hr. job with? Tired, bed, 'night! love ya!

  3. Nikki,

    You absolutely cannot work 40 hours a week, go to school full time, keep up all your church stuff and the IAMCOMING stuff, AND take on ANOTHER job. You are going to to have a meltdown if not clinical burnout and then how much good will you be to yourself or anyone else.

    I really think you should consider either dropping something or at least cutting back on a few things.

    When do you see your friends and boyfriend?

    Just my opinion. One person cannot do it all. Chill a bit.

    Love ya.

  4. Jesus was arrested coming back from being alone and praying. After he was baptised, which is the real start of His ministry, he left for over a month to just chill and get himself rested and ready. He tried to get away from people constantly - the whole feeding of the 5,000 people was largely because he was trying to get away from it all, and it all followed him so there was no infrastucture around to feed him. TAKE A BREAK! It worries me when I see people doing more than they can handle and burning out. It hurts you, it hurts the ones who care about you, and it does nothing for your 'ministry'. For me rest is easy. For others, such as yourself, regular times of rest are hard and must be learned. Please take the time to learn how to get regular and sustained rest. You are too good of a person to go through all of that shit that comes with a breakdown.
    I'll try to remember to pray for you Niki! Hope it all works out for you.

  5. Good advise! Listen to your friends, learn to say "No", even when you'd like to do something but don't have the time. :)