regret

My last boss from camp just posted something interesting the other day that got me thinking, see here. I'm not in that picture. Look as hard as you want, but I'm not there. You know why? I was TOO busy. (I say that with a hint of annoyance at myself). It was the last day of camp, the kids had left, the staff were saying their goodbyes and where was I? Cleaning my house. "I need to move out, I need to clean, I have too much to do", I thought to myself. So I didn't go outside. Everyone came by and asked me to come out for a picture, but my answer, "I'm too busy, I'll come later". Later almost never came. I did finally go outside to say goodbye when we did our usual hug line. Little did I know it was going to be the last ever hug line, the last ever summer staff, the last opportunity I had to have my picture taken with all these people who'd been a huge part of my life. And believe me, they were a huge part of my life-I got to know them quite intimately, what with washing their clothes and all. No, but in all seriousness, where were my priorities that day? I can never go back to August 27, 2005 and relive my choices. I can't live in the past, but I can choose to make the right choice today.
What are my priorities?
How will I plan my day?
Which opportunities do I have to seize, right when they occur? Which can wait?
In the words of one wise Mrs LeaKer, "in the grand scheme of life, does this really matter?"
And as my good friend Wendy likes to remind me, I have an audience of One. Always remember that.
So now where do I go with this new found insight? What changes will I make? I still need to work, and work a lot, to support myself. I not only want to go back to school, but feel that I need to, in order to get where I want to go in life. I don't want to put God on that back burner, and I won't give up church, but can I really genuinely give of my time in ministry? Or is it just a guilt thing? I've been asked to do a very important, but seemingly minimal effort, job at church. It's something I would LOVE to do, it takes almost no time, but is it a healthy choice? Unfortunately, I don't think so. I think that I'll grow to regret it and even resent it, and I don't want to. Maybe when things calm down, but right now, it's just not an option. That's upsetting, I really want to help out the church, to serve in a ministry I'd fit really well in, to do something I'm passionate about, but I can't. Which gets me to thinking, why does God have to be the one who suffers? Why can't I give up work? Well, because unfortunately giving of my time at the church doesn't pay bills. I know God will provide, but I can't be foolish and lessen my work load so that I can serve elsewhere. I really think I can and am serving where I'm at, in my workplace.
And now enough of the thought-provoking stuff that's almost driving me to a guilty conscience, instead, an encouraging story. Yesterday my friends Shannon, Meggs & I went to get our hair down at the hair salon by my work. I have yet to find out how this all started, but it seems that each of us talked to our hairdresser (Janice, she did all of our hair) about our church. Janice is one of my regular customers at Subway, and a really great woman. I always like talking to her, and have tried to show her the love of Christ, and guess what? She's coming to church tomorrow!! I went in this morning to say hi and she was SO happy to see me, she gave me THE biggest hug. She's really excited about church, apparently she went to a really neat church back in Edmonton with her son & daughter-in-law, and is really open to it. This is how I like to serve God. I'm so excited for the opportunity to share with her. And also!!...today at work, Steph, the one who's boyfriend goes to a satanist church and is really anti-God started asking me questions (again, for like the 3rd time!) about God. She wants a Bible to read!! And I'm going to try and find her some writings by C.S. Lewis & Lee Strobel. Unfortunately all my books of theirs are back in BC, my "Case for..." series by Strobel and Mere Christianity (among others) by Lewis. I'm going to search the web tonight to see if I can find anything. Please pray. God is sooooo good. Life is great!!
Oh yeah, and my friends got married yesterday, it was a beautiful day! I even danced a little bit-mostly because Karra and Wendy each grabbed a part of me and started moving me like I was a puppet. It was probably pretty funny. If any of my pictures turned out, I'll post them. It was an entertaining wedding, that's for sure-one of the bridesmaid's did a little show of fire eating. I've heard a lot about her...she seems pretty neat. :)
Well this is pretty long and I think I'm going out with some friends. I'll talk to you all soon, I hope. I'm going to take what I learned from today and try to apply it to each new day. I can't live in the past, but I can make the right choices from now on. "Today, I choose..." Another good worship song. :)

Love Niki