sigh

Well today is Good Friday and I don't know how I feel. I just finished reading Max Lucado's book "It's Not About Me", which is (ironically) explaining how life is not about me...but everything is about God, EVERYTHING. My failures, my successes, my everything. Really good book. Max Lucado is becoming my favourite author, very quickly.
Here's my dilemma...so I'm feeling sad because of breaking up with Kyle (it's amplified today because I was going to go to his dad's side of the family to celebrate Easter and I was really looking forward to it, and I got off work early because of it...), I'm frustrated with my boss, I'm in awe of what God has done for me and I'm feeling like a jerk for feeling anything that focuses on me, taking into consideration what Christ did for me, for us, 2000 years ago. I feel like anything I feel is so minute and therefore incomparable to my salvation and the way that it came about, that for me to focus on anything else is selfish.
I am so thankful for what God has done for me, in sending his Son to die on the cross to atone for MY sins, I can't explain this feeling. I'm sure I feel like this every Easter, but somehow it feels different. Maybe it's because I'm alone and I have time to actually reflect on it, that's quite probable.
So I found out something interesting today...Sanna (one of the girls who worked at Subway) wasn't ever an asst manager like she claimed to be. Go figure. She quit, and her last day was Wednesday. I didn't realize she was leaving so soon, so I didn't get to say goodbye. I'm sure she'll be back to pick up her paycheque and I'll see her. Maybe not, who knows. Hatem (my boss-who is who he claims to be, lol) just drove me bonkers today, he had a list of things for me to do and ALWAYS as I started them, he would drag me away and tell me to do something else. And then if that wasn't annoying enough, his dad came in and started telling me what to do. Hatem tells me to do set ups and clean, then tells me stop and go do dishes and then his dad tells me to do something else because they decided that today they were going to reorganize the backroom (which is where the dish sink is and all the counter space), so I had to get out of their way. I couldn't do ANYTHING right. And then I had this stupid customer and apparently I did something all wrong...just annoying. Every staff member there has a different way of working with the customers and I told Hatem that it was really frustrating that all his staff weren't on the same page. To which he responded with, "it's only me you need to worry about"...makes sense, he's the boss. He said as long as you don't go giving away stuff, like that cookie last week (stupid customer...long story), but in that case you did the right thing. So let me recap this for you, 1) Don't give away free stuff 2) Give away free stuff if the customer leaves happy. That is EXACTLY what he said!! And then he had the nerve to say that he wants staff who feel comfortable enough in their position to make good judgement calls. My response, "what kind of judgement calls? Like, we're allowed to give stuff away for free?" His answer: "No. Yes. No one is allowed to without my permission, unless they can". Me: WHAT??? Now, is it just me, or does he not make sense?? When I asked him why he didn't have everybody trained the same way, he said "I can't, I can't control everything"...last time I checked, the boss CAN control the way his staff are trained and he can have certain guidelines that everyone adheres to...at least that's what I thought! Anyways, needless to say, he drove me up the wall today. And his dad is worse...and it was just the three of us in the store...the two of them bossing me around, and me being confused and not knowing what I was allowed to do or where I was allowed to go. Things got better once his dad left, but MAN!! So, that's my frustration with my boss.
Phew. Now I'm making pasta and sausages for dinner. I haven't cooked for myself since Sunday? I had subs with Laura on Wednesday and every other day (take note, it's Friday already), I've been munching on fruits, veggies and mostly candies. ALL WEEK. Just haven't been in the mood to eat, not a great place to be. Well, I have had cereal and oatmeal. And lots of water. Anyways, point is...I'm actually taking the time to cook and eat tonight.
Been working on my cookbook a lot lately...having a real blast with it! Laura came over on Wednesday night and it was just what I needed!! I needed to have a familiar face, eventhough we didn't end up talking too much-it just meant so much having her here. Thanks for coming Laura!
Alright, I think I'm feeling better after posting. I'm going to work more on my cookbook tonight and then write some notes. I need to thank all the ladies that have sent me recipes, and I want to send them copies of the recipes others have sent me, and I need to write to different members of my family, thank you notes, birthday wishes and 'hellos'. Also need to thank some of Kyle's family for their generosity, his aunt for lending me some books and giving me some furniture and his mom for everything she does (drives me to chiro every week for example) and she gave me a really sweet Easter package. (no pun intended). Also Mami, thank you SOOOO much for your parcel!! I think I e-mailed you this morning in my sleepiness?? It was awesome to get and I love that book you sent me, it's PERFECT! MMM...enjoying the robin's eggs. GREATEST CANDY EVER!!! (aside from Smarties...) Okay...I'm going now, this is a really long post.
Love Niki
EDIT: I went back to work for 3 hours!! So I worked for 9 hours on a day that I get paid time and a half. That was a total answer to prayer, financially that is. It was actually really good, I worked with Steph and she's a really nice person to work with. Another answer to prayer was that she asked me stuff about God and Christianity and so I got to share with her some of my beliefs. Pretty awesome!! Feeling much better. Goodnight.