Monday, January 09, 2012

You'll Never Marry The Right Person

Earlier this week I posted this video:

and like most things that I post to Facebook, it garnered a lot of attention. The caption I included was

"Dear well-intentioned, happily married folk ... please watch (too bad most of you aren't on my FB)

In addition to what Terri sings about, I want a man who puts God first and serves Him wholeheartedly ... and in God's timing. "Just because I won't settle don't mean I won't settle down" "

My friend Jordan commented with a link to an article titled "You Never Marry the Right Person" by Tim Keller. In his article he addresses the following:
  • how our culture misunderstands compatibility
  • no two people are compatible
  • we are sinful and that directly affects the previous note

"A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner."

I get it, I really do. It was as though someone splashed my face with cold water in the middle of the night: it's truth and it's not always easy to read/hear/accept.

Mami and I often get into heated discussions about this very thing because I will tell her about a guy that has shown interest and when she asks what I think, the answer is often "well...he's [not this] [too this] [so...fill in the blank, I've probably said it]". This last Christmas I confided in her about a friend who seemed to be showing more interest than I had and when she asked me what I thought, I of course had a quick retort: "he's too [blank]!" and immediately my mom whirled around and said "and you're too critical!" (I think that was the word). Mami has often criticized my quick rejection of guys and I've always retorted that I didn't want to just settle and I knew the guys better than she did ... and in some cases, I was completely justified (including the guy who was so offended at me saying 'no thanks' that he promised to burn everything of mine he owned...I wondered what on earth of mine he owned??)

Ah, I digress ... after reading the article and Jordan's comments (she's been married for 7 years) and talking with different friends, I thought to myself: "I am a jerk" Yikes. That realization hurts.

That said, I don't think I should just date anyone ... nor would I. But also, I'm in a difficult position, as a woman I don't want to be out there, chasing after guys. I want to be pursued. But beyond that, right now I don't even want to think about marriage - I really can do so much more as a single person. Take this week for example: planning our trip to Europe, board meetings, planning meeting for our anti-human trafficking event, congregational meeting, Bible study, coffee with a friend and a fundraiser...that takes me until Saturday.

I'm so torn. On the one hand, I desire to be married and to be found by the man that God has in mind for me, to be able to love and serve him and Lord-willing, raise a family. On the other hand, I don't know that I'm ready to give up my freedom.

And that is exactly why I probably turn away guys who would be decent. I'm scared.

Too many realizations for one night ... this probably won't be a restful sleep.

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