Monday, December 19, 2011

Christmas ... 2011

It's almost Christmas and I'm a little out of sorts this year. Last year I was at home visiting my Papi (dad) in the hospital. I had accepted the fact that he was not going to make it through this experience with cancer, I knew in my heart that 2010 was the last Christmas I was going to spend with him.

As I'm getting ready to go 'home', that is back to BC, I have a number of emotions welling up inside of me. It's been a difficult year, but not half as difficult as if I was at home and continually facing the reality that Papi was gone. There's something about living far away that makes it a little easier to distance oneself. Sure, I missed not getting funny emails:

"Hey Bubble!

Well it's 0140 so I better get to bed or I'll be more useless than usual come 'morning'... BUT before I go, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!! ON THE PROMO!!! Absolutely fantastic news... hmmm... lemme think... I 'should be' home by the early evening tomorrow - give me a call if you've got the time 'kay? Oh, yeah... you'd better call on the house phone... Blackie (iPhone) must be depressed... he tried 'suicide by drowning' yesterday... a l t h o u g h - I really do think he coulda been a little more discreet about it... I mean KUMON!!! the toilet!??!!... sigh...


and also I have missed his passion for justice, which led to him starting his own non-profit, The Christian Net; which sadly didn't get as established as he would've liked, before his illness overtook him.

But unlike my mom, my grandma and the rest of the family (and friends), I'm not faced with the reality everyday that he's not there.

Soon I will be. In less than a week I will be flying home and I will likely cry from the moment I check my bags until I land in Vancouver. I've already started. I miss Papi and the thought that he won't be there to pick me up, or pick on me ;) breaks my heart.

As a result, I'm just not in a Christmas-y mood this year. So, to those of you who might be offended because I didn't send out Christmas cards, or I don't feel like exchanging gifts, or might be appalled at the fact I didn't put up a Christmas tree, please understand - not this year.

We'll see what next year brings.

1 comment:

  1. You'll find 2 trees in our house. Our lazy, pre-decorated, kinda 'avangarde'? fake one. Your dad choose it and we had a good laugh imagining the cats destroying it because of the feathers all around it :) , didn't happen, which was good. And said one time live Christmas tree, now cut, by your bro and nephew, that pretty much fills the living room.
    Ashton and work keep me distracted most of the time. I wrote to Inga, who doesn't know and that was hard. I guess it's all part of the mourning journey.
    Your dad wrote the best and funniest letters! I'd be on the bus, on the way to work, reading it before I mailed it and I'd have tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard.
    Think he has heaven in stitches now? See you soon!! HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!