I'm reading Captivating (by John & Stasi Eldredge). Amazing book.
When a woman falls from grace, what is most deeply marred is her tender vulnerability, beauty that invites to life She becomes a dominating, controlling woman-or a desolate, needy, mousy woman. Or some odd combination of both, depending on her circumstances.
Controlling women are those of us who don't trust anyone else to...help in our kitchens...We plan perfect birthday parties...It might look as though we're simply trying to be a ... good friend, but what we often do is arrange other people's lives.
Controlling women tend to be very well rewarded in this fallen world of ours. We are the ones put in charge of our women's ministries. Can-Do, Bottom-Line, Get-It-Done kinds of women. Women who have never even considered that our Martha Stewart perfectionism might not be a virtue. We have never considered that by living a controlling and domineering life, we are really refusing to trust our God. And it has also never dawned on us that something precious in us is lost. Something the world needs very much from us.
Sadly, desolate women also tend to hide their true selves. We are certain that if others really knew us, they wouldn't like us-and we can't risk the loss of a relationship.
Like Eve after she tasted the forbidden fruit, we women hide. We hide behind our makeup. We hide behind our humour. We hide with angry silences and punishing withdrawals. We hide our truest selves and offer only what we believe is wanted, what is safe. We act in self-protective ways and refuse to offer what we truly see, believe and know. We will not risk rejection or looking like a fool. We have spoken in the past and been met with blank stares and mocking guffaws. We will not do it again. We hide because we are afraid. We have been wounded and wounded deeply. People have sinned against us and we have sinned as well. To hide means to remain safe, to hurt less. At least that is what we think. And so by hiding, we take matters into our own hands. We don't return to our God with our broken and desperate hearts. And it has never occurred to us that in all our hiding, something precious is also lost-something the world needs from us so very, very much.
What an amazing book. I started crying on the bus, crying because I dared to believe that my controlling personality would actually help matters. Crying, because this book is offering me hope.