the award goes to...

I have a knack for doing things that are abnormal, I admit it. Tonight was no exception. I went out with Charles' mom for about 4 hours to have dinner and do some shopping and it just tugged at my emotions. I really could not date him again, but it's as if I can't let him (or the memories) go either.

When Kyle broke up with me and said something a couple weeks later about how he wasn't sure he made the right decision the following song came to my mind a lot:

You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

"Leave the Pieces" - The Wreckers

Now I feel like I'm doing the same thing, but to myself. Charles doesn't know that we went out, not that we're ashamed to be hanging out, but perhaps telling him "hey, your mom and your ex are having dinner together" is not the best thing. So, I don't know what to do. I feel like I should just cut off all ties with him, but then I would have to do the same with Kyle's family and I don't know why, but I just can't.

Maybe hanging on is more of a detriment to me and my personal growth than to anyone else, but until I'm willing to sacrifice those relationships, I guess I'll never learn. Will I?