now what?

I don't know how to move on, or rather, how to start moving on. I came home yesterday after work and my landlord had left me a few books, a chick flick, a jar of cookies and an encouraging note about how she handled break ups and that it'll get better. It was so thoughtful. I sat down at the table and just bawled. I can't stop crying and I can't eat. I know I need to eat soon, but it just hurts. I did have a bowl of cereal for breakfast about 2 1/2 hours ago, but I have no motivation to make something substantial-and I even have food that's made, I just need to pop in the microwave. I just have no desire to eat.
I'm starting to read a book called 'Come Thirsty' by Max Lucado. I've only read like 2 pages so I can't really tell you what I think of it, or even what its about-except that its about being fulfilled by God. That much I know.
I don't know where my relationships will go now, I really like Kyle's family and don't want to have to give them up. Mrs Leaker is going to drive me to my chiropractor appointment today, it'll be the first time I see her since they break up and I have no idea what to do or say. She's a very quiet lady anyway and I never really know what she's thinking and now it's going to be weird b/c I'm no longer dating her son, what is her response to it all? I'll never know, she just doesn't open up. I don't want it to be awkward, but I know it will be. It's such a weird relationship I have with the whole family, they always said that they care about me regardless of me dating Kyle, but now I'll find out if thats for real. I'm sure it is, it just seems so abnormal, how could anyone maintain that level of friendship and caring when there isn't some bond to bring us together (first it was my friendship with Matt, then it was me dating Kyle...now what?).
I'm still not mad at Kyle, I'm just confused about how things are going to go on from here. Everything feels so awkward and forced. I can't stop crying, but yet I don't want to make him feel bad so I try and tuck those emotions away, but its how I feel!
I just need to talk about something else. I went to Rob & Laura's today to do one load of laundry, so that at least my uniform was clean before work. We talked for a couple hours about Kyle, church, friendships, work, God-it was a good long chat. I'll have to take time to process it all, a lot was said.
I look so tired, I have the biggest bags under my eyes that I've ever had. I have to quit my Friday night Sobey's job today, that's going to be hard. I don't like quitting, I'm not a quitter-but this is just too much. I have to admit that I just cannot handle the job. I'm scheduled to do it this Friday, I'm going to have to see if Heather can do it, there's no way I can and Pat is going away for the weekend and I don't want her to have to cancel her plans. Just one more thing to stress about.
Hatem called me from Michigan today to see if I could fill a shift, his asst. manager didn't show up to work today. Aww shucks, too bad I'm already working at Sobey's. I don't intend to be mean, but I just need to learn to say no, I can't always come to the rescue. Something else I'm learning.
So much learning! I'm going to go tidy my room so that when I get home from work tonight, it's actually clean. That was nice to come home to last night (I'd had to clean because of the open house), so I think I'll do it again today.
Now what? I think I need to pray, I know I need to pray. Lots.

Niki