Tonight I went to my friend's place to watch the meteor shower, but unfortunately we weren't too successful (saw about 3 meteors, which is still pretty cool, considering). We had a really good visit though and I walked away with a couple gems (and a slightly sore back from lying in the swing for so long); it was definitely worth it to catch up and hear her wise words of wisdom.
She said something that really stuck with me, that it truly concerns her that EVERY time we talk, I always talk about a guy, my need for a husband, my desire to be in a relationship, or something along those lines. In the past while I had essentially accepted this conversation topic as inevitable and a part of who I was - a single, lonely woman. But what about all you poor people that have to listen to it all the time? Pretty crappy end of the deal for you.
I have been so focused on finding someone, despite the commonly known concept that "it'll happen when you least expect it". I have started to define myself as a single, lonely and *gasp* desperate woman. I started to reek of desperation and if you've been around someone that reeks of that you'll know just how unpleasant of a stench that is!
As I drove home I began to make a mental list of ways that I can become an interesting person again, someone whose sole focus isn't to find a soul mate. I have a bucket list and so I thought "I'll commit to completing xx per week/month/year" and then I thought about how unrealistic that was (I can't exactly afford to go skydiving, white water rafting and to every continent over the next few weeks, months or even years". Then I remembered that I have "take a 365-day challenge (to be determined)" on my list!
My 365-day challenge starts today, August 13, 2011. I will create a new page on my blog and each day I want to write down one thing about myself, be it my character, my looks, my personality, my ambitions or anything else that comes to mind, that I appreciate. At first glance this may appear to be a vain project - building myself up for the purposes of showing myself (and the world, or the few blog readers I have) just how wonderful I am. But in reality, I'm entering a year-long journey to see myself through my Father's eyes, to see the unique individual that God has created me to be and to celebrate it - every stray freckle, wrinkle, and slightly askew part of me - physically or otherwise.
My intent is that at the end of this year I will be more confident, not in my own capabilities, but in knowing that God created me to be the best me I can be (may sound cheesy, but it's true).
I anticipate that as I become more focused on developing myself and discovering my God-given talents and less on finding my soul mate, I will become a more confident, secure and overall happy individual.
So please, don't think I'm doing this to be a show-off or to make everyone love me, it's with a burdened heart that I write this post. Knowing who I've allowed myself to become, so focused on my earthly and human desires rather than on the plan God has for my life, makes me sad and unfulfilled.
I look forward to this 365-day journey with anticipation, eagerness and somewhat of a apprehensive spirit, but I will follow through. I invite you, dear readers, to call me to account if you don't see a new note up each day. Ask the hard questions, am I really being true to my blog's tagline - "finding my identity not in those around me, but in Him who created me?"