Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Wedding Vs. Marriage

I came to a startling, but simple, realization today.

All this time that I've been sad about not being married, I was really just sad about not having a wedding.  An author that I'm currently reading, JoAnna Harris (You Didn't Complete Me), targets the 'wedding vs. marriage' idea in a women's mind.  If we take away all the flowers, dresses, music, dancing, dinner, invitations, fancy hair/make-up, guests, partying, cake, speeches, fancy hall, etc. (the list could go on for much MUCH longer), the nitty-gritty of the WHOLE.ENTIRE.DAY is this:

you + him (and a pastor), signing a piece of paper committing to the rest of your lives together.

If all that was amplified in the world of weddings was the ACTUAL COMMITMENT - would I really be so upset as to not be getting married? Really, most of what I have ever wanted was the opportunity to plan and dream and do all those things that girls at Bible colleges everywhere have done since bridal colleges (err, Bible colleges) came into existence.

My focus needs to be on God, but beyond that-when I start thinking about marriage, I need to get past 'THE DAY' and think about this man (whoever he is, wherever he is-although I suspect when we're getting married I'll know these details) that I'm committing to. Giving of myself to another. Commitment. Day in, day out.

When the flowers dry out and the guests have gone home and the honeymoon is over and there are stacks of dishes, dirty socks, a snoring bedmate (yeah, that one would be me), overtime at work, rushed schedules and bills to pay-will the pretty pictures on the mantle be what carries me through? No. The pretty pictures on the mantle are just a symbol of that commitment made.

What an epiphany. What a simple lesson to learn-and yet I always equated wedding with marriage, marriage with wedding, one and the same. I'm praying for a Godly marriage, and heck if I get to have a fun wedding-that's cool, but that is no longer my focus.


  1. Awesome post, you're wise beyond your years! You know, I never dreamed of a big fairytale wedding and didn't have one either. I've never felt like I missed out. I just wanted to be with the man I loved and babies made my happiness complete. Not that everything was perfect.
    Loved the part about snoring :) lol!!

  2. That's interesting. In my mind, I've never been all that excited about the wedding, but I've always looked forward to the marriage, though I suspect there are aspects of the whole thing I have not thought through and have idealised. But as for the wedding itself, I don't really give it much thought. Maybe it's just a guy/girl difference.